Tuesday, April 24, 2007

and of these love remains

It's time to let go;
let it swell then ebb and let it flow
Things always change
and yet...
love remains the same

Roles are fluid in the human paradigm
constantly shifting flowing through the humantime
but still...
love remains the same

The deep mysteries of the sea
only revealed a wave at a time
that which the storm turns over upon the sands
evenso ...
love remains the same


copyright-- Leylatov 2007

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

For the last time

I loathe having had the same conversation with two of the most important people in my life 2 days in a row. For the last time people...anti-depressants nowadays are not meant to be 'happy pills'. There are people who use them that way. The people who don't want to do the work to get better. Who don't want counseling and don't want to get out of the rut depression and anxiety can leave you in. It's too comfortable there. To them...I understand but don't stay there, you won't get much sympathy from me or anyone else. Don't get me wrong I fall back into that from time to time but I at least am trying to get out some just work the system.
To those of us on anti-depressant/anxiety medications that have saved our lives by stabilizing our moods so we don't have to fend off our emotions instead of feeling them and letting them control us to the point of suicidal nightmares.....I say I have been there. And to those of us trying....and working it out while taking them keep pushing despite those...even those who we love and respect misunderstand....keep working keep pressing on. Recovery from and through the depression and anxiety is an ongoing process.
Even for me. Only...literally by God's saving grace.
So for those who don't want to learn and understand about us. That's fine you just go on and sound like idiots. Because sadly enough. We out number you 2 to 1 in todays society now. We don't take it because we like it...we take it because it helps and for some people it helps keep them alive. Just don't bring it up with me again. To those who took time to ask forgiveness for mis-judging and want to learn. You are wonderful I love you.

Friday, April 06, 2007

waiting for the resurrection

Dad number 2. Who is also like my dad, has been told today he has cancer. Please pray for him and his family. I had a rather prolonged cry and couldn't stop for awhile. I've calmed down but I'm still very sad and upset. Nothing else right now.
How appropriate for Good Friday.
I'm still waiting for the resurrection.