much afraid

Its back. The depression is back. The fear is there.
I don't want to work because I'm scared of getting burned again.
I'm scared of my behavior in burnout mode, I'd scared of burning out.
I'm scared of not being able to handle the stress, be on time.
I'm afraid of my adhd and it's impulsivity taking over yet again.
I'm afraid of the pitying or scornful looks.
I'm afraid of spilling my guts to total strangers because I'm so transparent yet.
I'm afraid of losing my job if I get one.
I'm afraid of my former employer saying she's a liar don't hire her when all the facts are not known.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of not caring anymore again
I'm afraid of being somewhere I can't fit in yet again.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of being around people who can't, won't, or refuse to understand what I'm dealing with on a constant basis.
I can't stand it anymore
It's killing me inside.
i'm so afraid
i'm so very much afraid right now that I don't know if I want to handle it.
I don't want to.