Saturday, January 31, 2009

Haiku Frit

Ok have I already said how addicted to lampwork glass bead and pendant making I am?
Frit is crushed up glass that you can roll beads in and it melts in and gives you colors or effects or some types.
I have never seen anyone sell something with haiku.
But Susan Sheehan certainly does and her poems are as beautiful as the frit.
This is one of the weirdest and most creative ways to sell something I've ever seen.
And I bet she sells alot of it.
http://phoenixartsupplies.com/products.php?cat=45

Friday, January 16, 2009

options!

Ok something came to me as I slept ...today . It is basic but when you are in a mire it makes a difference. I have OPTIONS! I don't HAVE to go to Taiwan to teach English if I don't want to or I can if I like. I can go someplace ELSE if I like. OR I don't even have to teach english there are other things out there to DO and other places to GO. I just know I want to GO somewhere. So instead of WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW I am again energized by the fact that I have
OPTIONS!

Sleep? Who needs sleep!

I don't need sleep no not at all. The fact that I am trying to get myself back into a normal sort of sleep schedule isn't helped by the fact that I'll go to bed and can only stay asleep for 4 hours. Isn't THAT nice. So I get up for a few hours then try to go back to sleep. Trouble is, for instance, at this moment I'M NOT TIRED.
And all these lovely questions start running through my mind with all this time on my hands saying "Maybe you don't really want to go teach in Taiwan do you?" If you don't want to do that What DO you want. And nothing springs to mind. Going to medical school springs to mind only because I have been watching old episodes of Doogie Howser and talking to one of my best friends who is at medical school. Me and med school probaby wouldn't get along to well. It's not even that I don't have stuff I could be doing.
So why the heck am I not doing it? I don't know folks.
I'm starting to feel isolated which I suppose is my own damn fault. I could go to temple or church, I can go to the studio. But I don't. The only people I've talked to this week face to face are counselor (who is in Vietnam for Chinese New Year for a month) and my two roommates and the cats. That is really sad. I went to see my adopted fam last saturday which really cheered me up and helped me feel good. So I know I need to see some people. quick. This is just getting ridiculous. One does not live on internet, computer programming, books, or sleep alone.
Fine maybe I sound pitiful. Whatever. It's dumb. How indeed did Paul learn the secret of contentment?
I'm so silly. Don't get me wrong I love having this time to prepare for going to Taiwan but it's a big job to break it down even to figure out how to get the cat there, when should I go? Will I have enough money to tide me over until the first paycheck? Will I even get accepted?! If not this then what?!
Gack.
pitiful

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Finding Jesus

Just to funny not to post
funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

Thursday, January 08, 2009

untitled

will you even mourn
I have my doubts

But how the hell should I know.

Labels:

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

arachnid

a poem on nature:

I am a spider
I spin beautiful webs
Yet when you approach you are stuck
in sucked in
then drained of life

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Doctor Who mathematics

My friend Matt and I are Doctor Who fanatics. Upon the release of the name of the new Doctor Who, Matt Smith, today we realized a disturbing trend. With each new regeneration of the Good Doctor his appearance has become younger and younger and younger and younger...etc. Anyone else notice this?
I have prepared a graph here indicating these findings:


From William Hartnell on down to Matt Smith, if these findings are conclusive we will have a Time Lord using his sonic pacifier to pacify Daleks in about 10 years.


Not the real ages of the actors.
Lolz have been changed to protect the innocent.
Any resemblance to any Doctor Who living or sealed in the Time War is purely intentional.

My other vehicle is the TARDIS, baby.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

much afraid

Its back. The depression is back. The fear is there.
I don't want to work because I'm scared of getting burned again.
I'm scared of my behavior in burnout mode, I'd scared of burning out.
I'm scared of not being able to handle the stress, be on time.
I'm afraid of my adhd and it's impulsivity taking over yet again.
I'm afraid of the pitying or scornful looks.
I'm afraid of spilling my guts to total strangers because I'm so transparent yet.
I'm afraid of losing my job if I get one.
I'm afraid of my former employer saying she's a liar don't hire her when all the facts are not known.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of not caring anymore again
I'm afraid of being somewhere I can't fit in yet again.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of being around people who can't, won't, or refuse to understand what I'm dealing with on a constant basis.
I can't stand it anymore
It's killing me inside.
i'm so afraid
i'm so very much afraid right now that I don't know if I want to handle it.
I don't want to.